Again, I have to remind anyone reading this, I write mainly so my children can look back and know and understand who their momma is and also so they know how much I truly love and adore them. Its important to me that I share my spiritual struggles with them as well, because someday they may face them too and I want them to know its okay - the Lord will get them through it. The best I can do is lead by example, so I will try by trusting in the strength of the Lord. I am delighted by anyone reading this though, because my life is transparent and I am not ashamed of who I am or the struggles I face. We all face tough times. Thank you for caring about my life enough to read on.
My spiritual mentor is Laney (she is my Paul (leader) and I am her Timothy follower) Everyone needs a Paul and everyone needs a Timothy. She is a mature christian and has a wonderful walk with the Lord. I met her in Colorado where I worked. God has kept her in my life and I am so glad He did. I learn so much from her and I run to her for counsel, its a great comfort to me because she doesn't judge me, she sees ME for who I really am and I think that is what I love most. She rarely complains about anything, she trusts the Lord with everything and she waits patiently for His will to be done. I love that she is such an excellent example for me to follow. We had a conversation the other day, I told her I just recently started fearing the Lord. Laney said, where do you think your fear of the Lord came from? I said, I guess it came from Him? Learning and reading His word and understanding WHO God is has given me fear and a greater respect for Him. I'm not scared, I just realized through his word how powerful, omnicious and loving He is.
I've learned so much through my kids with the Lord (Laney told me I would and she was right) and I learned how he is loving and patient he is with us. Ella wanted to push the stroller by herself the other day and every time I'd put even one hand on to help her, she'd turn around and say...noooo. I think that's how we resist God sometimes, we try and do everything on our own strength, steering our own life. Like a loving parent, My heavenly father is constantly reminding me, come to me, I will take it from you...let me help you. Seeing how my hands helped Ella and made things easier, she wanted to do it her way even though HER WAY was more difficult. I understand now that it takes me A LOT longer when I do it MY way, than when I give it to God and have His powerful hand to help.
When I was reading my bible study and thinking I was sliding back and not understanding about salvation, really God was preparing me for MORE....much much more. I was doubting myself, when really God had bigger plans for me. Further understanding. Not just because I am special (smile), but because I am being obedient and reading his word. I have a thousand things going on, but being in His word fills my spirit and gives me a thirst for more.
We stopped getting cable and initially it was to save money and now I don't even want cable back. I have enjoyed having more time to read my bible and spend time with the Lord. TV use to be a thief of my time when the kids were sleeping. Laney told me to just delight in the Lord and read Proverbs and Psalms from time to time. Well, last night after I did some of my bible study, I just went to Proverbs to just enjoy reading my bible and GUESS WHAT? Proverbs 1:7 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (NLT) - that was so exciting to me I almost had to call Laney but it was way late. God spoke to me through his word! His word has come alive to me many times, but never more than that night did I feel it was spelled out to me directly from Him. I realized the things I was reading about death, was a spiritual death and not lack of my salvation, you are going to hell. (I see how we are so quick to doubt the intentions of the Lord too...(sigh) - Jeremiah 29... it says He has plans for us, to prosper, not to destroy) When we are not obedient our spirit suffers because it is the spirit that desires to be close to the Lord. And how we get close to the Lord is through prayer and thanksgiving, and reading His word!!! The bible is the living word and oh how alive it is when i read it sometimes. Before I got to proverbs, God was showing me some other verses, He brought me to Phil 4:6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. I have been very specific and asking for Him to draw close to me. Open my mind and heart to hear his word.
When we are living in the world and not staying connected to God or being obedient, our spirit feels dead. Now He has brought me to a greater understanding. It taught me a lesson too. I felt I was going round in circles but really God was preparing me for more knowledge and understanding. Sometimes i feel silly for thinking doom and gloom, I must remind myself Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
I don't think i will be sharing this one in my bible study, I think they all think I am still trying to grasp my salvation. I told Laney....God knows our hearts and really HE is the only one to impress...but sometimes I want to share what I know too...someday God will give me the opportunity to.
It takes time and "overs" (do overs)to learn how to live in the Light...but I will keep on trusting in God to direct my path. In the meantime I will pray and be thankful that I don't have to worry about hell anymore...God saved me from that. Thankfully, because Hell sounds like an Awful place to be. It says in the bible that many will walk on a wide road but only few will enter the gates of heaven. There is only one way to heaven, through our Lord Jesus Christ. If it weren't so, it wouldn't say it in the bible and its NEVER been proven wrong in two thousand years! Someone said to me once, It's either ALL true or none of it is. So true.
Now I just need to focus on knowing him, loving him and being thankful. I bet God delights in us when we can really SEE who He is too. I wont learn everything over night. It reminds me of when I couldn't wait to learn how to drive, my parents would take me to the middle school parking lot and let me drive when I was eleven, boy did I love driving and I loved cars, I knew a lot about them too. To this day, I can recognize most car brands and styles. I have a great appreciation for cars...leather, sunroofs...ahhh...I do enjoy cars. And I couldn't wait to turn sixteen so I could have the FREEDOM to drive myself anywhere I wanted to go. But even when you are sixteen and can go anywhere, you still need to go where you are allowed to go. Like school, work or friends homes. You cant just go anywhere!
I guess my point is, even when i get to further understanding from God, I am still not THERE. Nor will I ever hope to be at my destination until I am in Heaven with the Lord. I need to be patient and be happy where he has me at this moment in time. Not wishing for my license so I can go fast or go anywhere I want, but so i can understand and have the freedom to go God's way. At this point in my life, i want to go where God wants me to. Before we got married, we moved to Vermont...we took charge and were going where WE wanted to go and we went on OUR own strength not the Lords. Did we ever consult where the Lord wanted us to be? No. But, we were given some loving discipline afterwards for taking our life into our own hands. I wonder sometimes what would have happened had we gone God's way.
Eph 5:8-11 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.
I forgot to tell you also, God has been working on my heart in the past several months. I felt him calling me for a re commitment and I intend to do so. Although I knew what happened last time I was saved, then baptized. Evil struck me, but it was because I wasn't rooted deep or discipled....now I am and Satan can just BACK OFF. I want to recommit my life to him to show him I am serious about going God's way.
1 comment:
Lizzy, MAC told me to read your blog and I must say, you are the mature Christian! That's all I could think of as I read your perception of God's Word.
You were way to kind in your mention of me. I do, however, thank God that he has left us in our relationship because no one makes me laugh like you do. I enjoy you so much and I am very thankful for our time. Thank you for allowing me to share God's wisdom with you.
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