On Sunday, June 21st I walked forward to recommit my life to God. For the past several months I was being called back into obedience and have heard His call, He wants more of me, so on Sunday, I made that known to my church family. God has really been working on my understanding, I've been in His word and His truth gives peace to my soul and hope for my future. If I did not have hope and trust for the future, I'd be facing some serious darkness.
My bible study has been such a nice support for me, the ladies are from all different walks and we openly share and discuss, its really a joy.
Natalie (our neighbor gal next door) watched the kids while Austin and I went to church this evening. Natalie said Ella was burping and feeding Duckie his bottle. She doesn't go anywhere without Duckie. She always knows where he is. She loves that darn duck, we are down to one Duckie, we lost the other one. I don't know what we'll do if we lose this Duckie. Its like another kid now (almost). Mike thought about buying a lifetime supply of Duckies because he can not bear for his little girl to go without her Duckie. There was a huge thunderstorm and the kids do not enjoy thunder. Ella was yelling for Daddy, how sweet. Natalie just turned up the radio and they didn't notice the thunder then. : )
We moved Alex and Ella into Alex's room and Austin into Ella's room. We still have the guest room so it will all work out nicely when we have company. Alex and Ella are having the best time being roomies. They woke up the other morning and I heard Ella yell "BUBBIE!!!!" then softer, "Hiiiii Bubbie." It was a riot. Then I walk in and they are both jumping in their cribs.
Its so hot here. We've barely been outside to get fresh air. Austin is growing so fast, I want it to slow down a little bit! Before I know it he will be walking!
Well, time to get some sleep. I pushed it to the max tonight.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Going God's Way
Again, I have to remind anyone reading this, I write mainly so my children can look back and know and understand who their momma is and also so they know how much I truly love and adore them. Its important to me that I share my spiritual struggles with them as well, because someday they may face them too and I want them to know its okay - the Lord will get them through it. The best I can do is lead by example, so I will try by trusting in the strength of the Lord. I am delighted by anyone reading this though, because my life is transparent and I am not ashamed of who I am or the struggles I face. We all face tough times. Thank you for caring about my life enough to read on.
My spiritual mentor is Laney (she is my Paul (leader) and I am her Timothy follower) Everyone needs a Paul and everyone needs a Timothy. She is a mature christian and has a wonderful walk with the Lord. I met her in Colorado where I worked. God has kept her in my life and I am so glad He did. I learn so much from her and I run to her for counsel, its a great comfort to me because she doesn't judge me, she sees ME for who I really am and I think that is what I love most. She rarely complains about anything, she trusts the Lord with everything and she waits patiently for His will to be done. I love that she is such an excellent example for me to follow. We had a conversation the other day, I told her I just recently started fearing the Lord. Laney said, where do you think your fear of the Lord came from? I said, I guess it came from Him? Learning and reading His word and understanding WHO God is has given me fear and a greater respect for Him. I'm not scared, I just realized through his word how powerful, omnicious and loving He is.
I've learned so much through my kids with the Lord (Laney told me I would and she was right) and I learned how he is loving and patient he is with us. Ella wanted to push the stroller by herself the other day and every time I'd put even one hand on to help her, she'd turn around and say...noooo. I think that's how we resist God sometimes, we try and do everything on our own strength, steering our own life. Like a loving parent, My heavenly father is constantly reminding me, come to me, I will take it from you...let me help you. Seeing how my hands helped Ella and made things easier, she wanted to do it her way even though HER WAY was more difficult. I understand now that it takes me A LOT longer when I do it MY way, than when I give it to God and have His powerful hand to help.
When I was reading my bible study and thinking I was sliding back and not understanding about salvation, really God was preparing me for MORE....much much more. I was doubting myself, when really God had bigger plans for me. Further understanding. Not just because I am special (smile), but because I am being obedient and reading his word. I have a thousand things going on, but being in His word fills my spirit and gives me a thirst for more.
We stopped getting cable and initially it was to save money and now I don't even want cable back. I have enjoyed having more time to read my bible and spend time with the Lord. TV use to be a thief of my time when the kids were sleeping. Laney told me to just delight in the Lord and read Proverbs and Psalms from time to time. Well, last night after I did some of my bible study, I just went to Proverbs to just enjoy reading my bible and GUESS WHAT? Proverbs 1:7 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (NLT) - that was so exciting to me I almost had to call Laney but it was way late. God spoke to me through his word! His word has come alive to me many times, but never more than that night did I feel it was spelled out to me directly from Him. I realized the things I was reading about death, was a spiritual death and not lack of my salvation, you are going to hell. (I see how we are so quick to doubt the intentions of the Lord too...(sigh) - Jeremiah 29... it says He has plans for us, to prosper, not to destroy) When we are not obedient our spirit suffers because it is the spirit that desires to be close to the Lord. And how we get close to the Lord is through prayer and thanksgiving, and reading His word!!! The bible is the living word and oh how alive it is when i read it sometimes. Before I got to proverbs, God was showing me some other verses, He brought me to Phil 4:6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. I have been very specific and asking for Him to draw close to me. Open my mind and heart to hear his word.
When we are living in the world and not staying connected to God or being obedient, our spirit feels dead. Now He has brought me to a greater understanding. It taught me a lesson too. I felt I was going round in circles but really God was preparing me for more knowledge and understanding. Sometimes i feel silly for thinking doom and gloom, I must remind myself Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
I don't think i will be sharing this one in my bible study, I think they all think I am still trying to grasp my salvation. I told Laney....God knows our hearts and really HE is the only one to impress...but sometimes I want to share what I know too...someday God will give me the opportunity to.
It takes time and "overs" (do overs)to learn how to live in the Light...but I will keep on trusting in God to direct my path. In the meantime I will pray and be thankful that I don't have to worry about hell anymore...God saved me from that. Thankfully, because Hell sounds like an Awful place to be. It says in the bible that many will walk on a wide road but only few will enter the gates of heaven. There is only one way to heaven, through our Lord Jesus Christ. If it weren't so, it wouldn't say it in the bible and its NEVER been proven wrong in two thousand years! Someone said to me once, It's either ALL true or none of it is. So true.
Now I just need to focus on knowing him, loving him and being thankful. I bet God delights in us when we can really SEE who He is too. I wont learn everything over night. It reminds me of when I couldn't wait to learn how to drive, my parents would take me to the middle school parking lot and let me drive when I was eleven, boy did I love driving and I loved cars, I knew a lot about them too. To this day, I can recognize most car brands and styles. I have a great appreciation for cars...leather, sunroofs...ahhh...I do enjoy cars. And I couldn't wait to turn sixteen so I could have the FREEDOM to drive myself anywhere I wanted to go. But even when you are sixteen and can go anywhere, you still need to go where you are allowed to go. Like school, work or friends homes. You cant just go anywhere!
I guess my point is, even when i get to further understanding from God, I am still not THERE. Nor will I ever hope to be at my destination until I am in Heaven with the Lord. I need to be patient and be happy where he has me at this moment in time. Not wishing for my license so I can go fast or go anywhere I want, but so i can understand and have the freedom to go God's way. At this point in my life, i want to go where God wants me to. Before we got married, we moved to Vermont...we took charge and were going where WE wanted to go and we went on OUR own strength not the Lords. Did we ever consult where the Lord wanted us to be? No. But, we were given some loving discipline afterwards for taking our life into our own hands. I wonder sometimes what would have happened had we gone God's way.
Eph 5:8-11 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.
I forgot to tell you also, God has been working on my heart in the past several months. I felt him calling me for a re commitment and I intend to do so. Although I knew what happened last time I was saved, then baptized. Evil struck me, but it was because I wasn't rooted deep or discipled....now I am and Satan can just BACK OFF. I want to recommit my life to him to show him I am serious about going God's way.
My spiritual mentor is Laney (she is my Paul (leader) and I am her Timothy follower) Everyone needs a Paul and everyone needs a Timothy. She is a mature christian and has a wonderful walk with the Lord. I met her in Colorado where I worked. God has kept her in my life and I am so glad He did. I learn so much from her and I run to her for counsel, its a great comfort to me because she doesn't judge me, she sees ME for who I really am and I think that is what I love most. She rarely complains about anything, she trusts the Lord with everything and she waits patiently for His will to be done. I love that she is such an excellent example for me to follow. We had a conversation the other day, I told her I just recently started fearing the Lord. Laney said, where do you think your fear of the Lord came from? I said, I guess it came from Him? Learning and reading His word and understanding WHO God is has given me fear and a greater respect for Him. I'm not scared, I just realized through his word how powerful, omnicious and loving He is.
I've learned so much through my kids with the Lord (Laney told me I would and she was right) and I learned how he is loving and patient he is with us. Ella wanted to push the stroller by herself the other day and every time I'd put even one hand on to help her, she'd turn around and say...noooo. I think that's how we resist God sometimes, we try and do everything on our own strength, steering our own life. Like a loving parent, My heavenly father is constantly reminding me, come to me, I will take it from you...let me help you. Seeing how my hands helped Ella and made things easier, she wanted to do it her way even though HER WAY was more difficult. I understand now that it takes me A LOT longer when I do it MY way, than when I give it to God and have His powerful hand to help.
When I was reading my bible study and thinking I was sliding back and not understanding about salvation, really God was preparing me for MORE....much much more. I was doubting myself, when really God had bigger plans for me. Further understanding. Not just because I am special (smile), but because I am being obedient and reading his word. I have a thousand things going on, but being in His word fills my spirit and gives me a thirst for more.
We stopped getting cable and initially it was to save money and now I don't even want cable back. I have enjoyed having more time to read my bible and spend time with the Lord. TV use to be a thief of my time when the kids were sleeping. Laney told me to just delight in the Lord and read Proverbs and Psalms from time to time. Well, last night after I did some of my bible study, I just went to Proverbs to just enjoy reading my bible and GUESS WHAT? Proverbs 1:7 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (NLT) - that was so exciting to me I almost had to call Laney but it was way late. God spoke to me through his word! His word has come alive to me many times, but never more than that night did I feel it was spelled out to me directly from Him. I realized the things I was reading about death, was a spiritual death and not lack of my salvation, you are going to hell. (I see how we are so quick to doubt the intentions of the Lord too...(sigh) - Jeremiah 29... it says He has plans for us, to prosper, not to destroy) When we are not obedient our spirit suffers because it is the spirit that desires to be close to the Lord. And how we get close to the Lord is through prayer and thanksgiving, and reading His word!!! The bible is the living word and oh how alive it is when i read it sometimes. Before I got to proverbs, God was showing me some other verses, He brought me to Phil 4:6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. I have been very specific and asking for Him to draw close to me. Open my mind and heart to hear his word.
When we are living in the world and not staying connected to God or being obedient, our spirit feels dead. Now He has brought me to a greater understanding. It taught me a lesson too. I felt I was going round in circles but really God was preparing me for more knowledge and understanding. Sometimes i feel silly for thinking doom and gloom, I must remind myself Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
I don't think i will be sharing this one in my bible study, I think they all think I am still trying to grasp my salvation. I told Laney....God knows our hearts and really HE is the only one to impress...but sometimes I want to share what I know too...someday God will give me the opportunity to.
It takes time and "overs" (do overs)to learn how to live in the Light...but I will keep on trusting in God to direct my path. In the meantime I will pray and be thankful that I don't have to worry about hell anymore...God saved me from that. Thankfully, because Hell sounds like an Awful place to be. It says in the bible that many will walk on a wide road but only few will enter the gates of heaven. There is only one way to heaven, through our Lord Jesus Christ. If it weren't so, it wouldn't say it in the bible and its NEVER been proven wrong in two thousand years! Someone said to me once, It's either ALL true or none of it is. So true.
Now I just need to focus on knowing him, loving him and being thankful. I bet God delights in us when we can really SEE who He is too. I wont learn everything over night. It reminds me of when I couldn't wait to learn how to drive, my parents would take me to the middle school parking lot and let me drive when I was eleven, boy did I love driving and I loved cars, I knew a lot about them too. To this day, I can recognize most car brands and styles. I have a great appreciation for cars...leather, sunroofs...ahhh...I do enjoy cars. And I couldn't wait to turn sixteen so I could have the FREEDOM to drive myself anywhere I wanted to go. But even when you are sixteen and can go anywhere, you still need to go where you are allowed to go. Like school, work or friends homes. You cant just go anywhere!
I guess my point is, even when i get to further understanding from God, I am still not THERE. Nor will I ever hope to be at my destination until I am in Heaven with the Lord. I need to be patient and be happy where he has me at this moment in time. Not wishing for my license so I can go fast or go anywhere I want, but so i can understand and have the freedom to go God's way. At this point in my life, i want to go where God wants me to. Before we got married, we moved to Vermont...we took charge and were going where WE wanted to go and we went on OUR own strength not the Lords. Did we ever consult where the Lord wanted us to be? No. But, we were given some loving discipline afterwards for taking our life into our own hands. I wonder sometimes what would have happened had we gone God's way.
Eph 5:8-11 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.
I forgot to tell you also, God has been working on my heart in the past several months. I felt him calling me for a re commitment and I intend to do so. Although I knew what happened last time I was saved, then baptized. Evil struck me, but it was because I wasn't rooted deep or discipled....now I am and Satan can just BACK OFF. I want to recommit my life to him to show him I am serious about going God's way.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Holding Hands
Turns out Ella had Roseola, which is a common virus that 6 month-2 yr. olds get. Her rash is all gone and she is back to her normal self. She has been very accident prone lately. Yesterday we were playing with a shape sorter and Alex got excited and picked it up, hitting her in the nose and she had a bloody nose. Then they were chasing each other around the dining room table and she turned fast and hit her head on the edge of the table. There were a few other things, it just seems this age is one accident after another! Alex too. He is bumping his head and climbing things. Sometimes when they are both walking down the stairs in the morning or from nap, they hold hands with one another. The other day, Ella was playing on a wagon and fell face first, her nose bled and she is still bruised from it. We felt really bad for her. We always have them hold hands when we walk into church, because one of us has Austin and the other has the two, so its easier if they are all holding hands. Plus when we are out walking together, we have them hold hands as they hold ours when we cross the street. Now they just do it automatically, today when they left the house they were both holding hands. It was so sweet. Then When we have snack and Ella is at her high chair, she says, BUBBIE, BUBBIE! She wants to be sure he knows its snack time. Other times she will bring him his bib. Or if I get them a drink, she yells for Bubbie to come get his or sometimes she will bring it to him. They really are the best of friends. Other than normal brother sister spats, they are really good to one another. I am so glad they have each other, especially when I need to take time to feed Austin, I put them in the play room and they play so well together. MOST OF THE TIME. I guess they can't be perfect little angels all the time. : )
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Just another day
Ella had a fever over the weekend, 105 degrees, it was VERY scary, I was on my knees praying to God for her to be healed. We were on the phone twice with children's mercy on how to handle it. I was nervous we would have to bring her in, but thankfully after Tylenol, a luke warm bath and drinking fluids we were able to get it lowered. We had her sleep with us, Mike and I barely slept. The very next day she was back to her normal self so we thought it was okay to take her to church - but then yesterday afternoon we noticed a rash like all over her body, we are taking her to the doctor this morning. Hope its nothing serious, I don't think so. Probably hand, foot, mouth - what Alex had, because he seems to be healthy and you can only get that once. I got sick when Alex did, it was terrible, I am glad I wont get that again!
I am going through Ella's clothes and seeing what I can sell them for either at a consignment or try to sell on Craig's list, I'd love to give them away to friends but I am trying to find ways to bring in some extra cash. Also, I realized my kids dress better than I do and I have no clothing that fits me. We never go without though, thankfully. I may get a job a few days a week. It would be nice to get out of the house on my own for a little bit. We'll see. In the fall I am going to give away an outdoor family portrait session at my MOPS gatherings, that way the ladies will know I am a photographer and can do outside portraits of their families for a reasonable price. I may try some studio stuff too. And then there is Arbonne. I hope to put some effort into that, it takes a lot of effort to be successful and while I know I could be successful at it, there is a cost for success and it means time away from my family. I'm just not ready to be away from my family very much.
For now, I am enjoying my play dates. We have a group of four of us ladies and we switch houses each Friday, its really nice, a little chaotic but nice to get to know them better. They are all really sweet and so are their darling kiddos. Our kids are all close in age by months so its nice.
Austin is up about two times overnight. Not too bad. He is growing like a week though! He is so long and gaining weight great! I love nice plump babies. They are so cute!
Mike made me coffee this morning, it was ready when I got downstairs...he is such a sweet guy!
Well, I heard a plate go overboard, better get back to the kids.
I am going through Ella's clothes and seeing what I can sell them for either at a consignment or try to sell on Craig's list, I'd love to give them away to friends but I am trying to find ways to bring in some extra cash. Also, I realized my kids dress better than I do and I have no clothing that fits me. We never go without though, thankfully. I may get a job a few days a week. It would be nice to get out of the house on my own for a little bit. We'll see. In the fall I am going to give away an outdoor family portrait session at my MOPS gatherings, that way the ladies will know I am a photographer and can do outside portraits of their families for a reasonable price. I may try some studio stuff too. And then there is Arbonne. I hope to put some effort into that, it takes a lot of effort to be successful and while I know I could be successful at it, there is a cost for success and it means time away from my family. I'm just not ready to be away from my family very much.
For now, I am enjoying my play dates. We have a group of four of us ladies and we switch houses each Friday, its really nice, a little chaotic but nice to get to know them better. They are all really sweet and so are their darling kiddos. Our kids are all close in age by months so its nice.
Austin is up about two times overnight. Not too bad. He is growing like a week though! He is so long and gaining weight great! I love nice plump babies. They are so cute!
Mike made me coffee this morning, it was ready when I got downstairs...he is such a sweet guy!
Well, I heard a plate go overboard, better get back to the kids.
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