On His strength, not mine

Over the past several weeks, I have been feeling spiritually on empty. Not only am I struggling spiritually but also financially struggling. While I knew in my head, this wasnt a place I wanted to be or where I thought God intended me to be, I was there and I was lost, I felt completely empty and all alone. Not a place a christian or anyone for that matter wants to be. In my heart, I couldn't find Christmas....I was broken, I had no peace, no joy of CHRISTmas. While I was still enjoying my kids, my husband and my home, I had lost the peace and joy of Christ.

Later I realized that God was showing me a life that was void of His presence, He was teaching me many other things too. What a terrible life to lead, a life left with no hope of Christ!? I really felt I had no one to talk with, afterall, what christian would say they have no peace or joy. I didn't want to project any negativity, especially as we were approaching the most joyful time of the year, Christmas. A time to celebrate tradition and family, a time to be joyful, peaceful and filled with love, a time where we celerate the awesome day that God came to earth, a day we rejoice for the birth of a savior is here, who would later die on the cross for my sins and the sins of everyone in the entire world, past present and future! Most of all, what christian would say they aren't thankful for Christmas? This was a trembling place to be.

As the weeks went on, I wasn't having any feelings of Christmas, no sense of Christ living in me. Where was it? My friend told me I needed to make time for God and tell Him all the things I am thankful for, express any reasons for my distance, express all my thoughts and confess any sin I may be holding onto. The Lord began to show me that I need to bring everything to Him, He wanted all my fears, all my disappointments, all my troubles and all my thanks. Some may look at my life and say, what does she need to be troubled about? There are things that people don't always see, like spiritual struggles which can be devastating to one's inner soul. While I have lived many times of spiritual dryness, this dryness was leaving me feeling more alone than I had ever felt. I knew in my head He could be the ONLY one to release me from the agony I was feeling, but I still didn't feel Him in my heart. He finally told my heart to trust Him, Let Him lead me where he always planned for me to be. While the Lord knew where I was all along, I felt so lost. He was with me the entire time, I just separated myself from Him, by not spending time with Him praying and reading His word and His promises. He taught me that I cannot do anything on my own strength, it must be on His. The Lord knew I was lost and He was with me all along, but He also knew I had to learn to lean on Him and He had to let me learn that it is His strength, not mine. God means ALL things for good, and it is so true.

Today, God has given me the light to follow down my path, a journey with Him. A real Indian Jones like adventure! Adventure filled with excitement, happiness, PEACE, JOY, trials, hills to climb, battles to fight, blessings to have, the ability to someday be able to give back in so many ways that I will come to find out down the road. The path is so bright, the light is back and it is brighter than it was when I was first found by Him in November 1998. Many times in the past, before I even became a christian, I wanted a purpose for my life, I even read purpose driven life, still I found no purpose. Today, God gave me my purpose. God expects the very best from us, and this is what he put on my heart, I had to write it down instantly, and I'd like to share it with you.

The purpose for my life....

1. Be faithful and obedient to God, believe Him and trust Him

2. Be a loving and supporting wife and mother

3. Live life with discipline

4. Be giving to others. Give, give, give.

5. Believe in the possibilities that await, work hard and do your best..you will get there

6. Be joyful and peaceful, knowing that your God is in total control

7. Be inspiring to my children

8. Give glory to God in all that I do

I thought, oh my, this is a tall order - how will I get there? "With passion, planning and purpose, all things are within your reach, with the help of The Lord." I now have a vision to help me get there. Several times in my life I had big plans, big dreams. Some I had followed through with, many I had not. My dreams had a vision, but no purpose. With no purpose, I'd experience no life. This God given revelation has given me a new light, a new hope and strength to change. Like Obama said, Change is Coming... and with that new vision, I am hopeful and I believe in my change for the future. I believe in my heart, that with Passion, a plan and a purpose, I can do all things. In the past several weeks, while I struggled to find Christmas, Christ came to me. At first I searched and nothing was there, but I kept knocking and realized He never left me, I left Him,

December 2008

Okay It is December and it has taken me months to figure out what to do with a blog. I started one at thoughts.com and I havent done anything with it. I saw a friends blog and loved it so much and decided, okay I will start fresh here. Alex and Ella are 15 months old and such a hoot. Right now I can hear them playing and laughing together. They are the best of friends.

Alex and Ella are finally signing to communicate with us. We started signing at 4 months old and it has take a long time to reap the rewards. A few months ago they would start pointing to their mouths if they were thirsty or hungry, now they are signing "more" (sometimes) and "All Done." Thier vocabulary is growing more as they try to immitate words and understand them. At this point Ella is saying and understanding, Mama, Dada, cat, ducky, ball, baby and nite nite. Alex is saying Mama, Dada, Choo Choo (his favorite), ball, nite nite, mickey mouse (well, he is trying to say it) and cat!

Mike and I went Christmas shopping for the kids last week, I think we are more excited about Christmas this year, they certainly dont have any idea about it! We took them to Bass Pro Shop for a picture with Santa and Mrs Claus, they cried and cried. We got a funny picture to remember it by. My mom said we should be talking more about Santa with them and then try again. So we will do that and go back and see if it makes any difference.

I am really feeling like I need to prepare my heart and my mind for what the Christmas season is all about. As the kids are getting older, I am trying to think of ways to have Christmas be focused around Christ... giving, family, love and not just gifts and Santa Claus. While I want them to experience the joy and magic of the tale of Santa, I always want them to know first and foremost the truth behind CHRISTmas. Next year I will get a wooden advent calendar and throughout the month of December we will do different things to focus on family and giving and most of all doing my best to teach about Jesus and His love for us. Each day will be something different, whether it is a bible verse or going for a drive to see the lights together or making a birthday cake for Jesus. I know they are still young for all this, but i never ever want them to question who their heavenly Father and Creator is. It is so important for me to be a good model to them. I pray God will prepare me for this giant task. Only He could allow me to be successful, as it is through His strength that all things are possible.

1 Corinthians 8:6 (New International Version)
yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.

1 Peter 4:11
If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen

God Bless you all as you approach the holidays and the true spirit of CHRISTmas. May we all understand the meaning of CHRISTmas and model it. Such a huge task at hand.

Love,
Lizz